Flush Excess Weight from your colon? I already do that. It's called taking a dump. I don't understand what you are offering, Mr. Cleanser. Of course, it must be significant because:
15 POUNDS? Damn, Julie! That's a huge dump! You must have been exhausted after that. I guess that's why you had to have your friend, ColonMate (apparently a home loan lender or something), send the email for you from his address.
How did Julie manage that monster bomb drop though? There must be clues in the message. Hmm, that's odd. Could this be a clue? It lists a group of news networks for no apparent reason. Then it tells you that it is not affiliated with them.
Nah... that's pretty pointless. I don't think news will help me drop a 15 pound Cosby kid. There has to be more. What is there about Mr. Cleanser's method that is different than my own?
Wow... BINGO! It was staring me right in the face the whole time! A bottle! ColonMate Cleanser and Julie are part of a crazy cult that craps in bottles! Now, granted, I have crapped in an oven before, but there is no way I am going to be able to crap in a bottle! Do you realize the aim and concentration it would take to be able to focus it into the tiny opening? Speaking of concentration, how can somebody shove 15 pounds into a bottle? This sounds like much more work than I plan on devoting to poo. Besides, ever since Kaboom® Free Samples gave me that bad advice about not flushing my toilet, I've been wary of crazy people that email me.
Sorry, ColonMate, not this time. When your cult switches to ovens, then we can talk.
Andy
