Urkel's Query

The other day I saw this ad for Yahoo Answers:

This intrigued me. Urkel needed to know an answer to a question regarding a Yahoo product, but since Yahoo's online FAQs and paid support staff are completely useless, the Winslows' clumsy, nerdy neighbor had to turn to the unwashed masses at Yahoo Answers.

Now, I didn't want to cost Yahoo Answers any ad revenue because of Urkel's silly problem, so I didn't click on the banner. Instead, I used my previous experience with Yahoo Answers to construct a simulation of what the answers to his question may have looked like.
(Note: Simulation may contain 93% actual Yahoo Answers. No actual ids were used.)

Answers
(1-30 of 41)
	treard DUMB QUESTION!!!! 2 months ago - Report abuse drater u r a cunpleet an udder f***tard. Nexxxt! 2 months ago - Report abuse al obama Are you kidding me? 1 month ago - Report abuse clyde4pres I have heard of it, but what is it? 1 month ago - Report abuse pwainrttohn The Dr. told me my brain don't work right. 1 month ago - Report abuse PreTARD omg are you really that stupid? 1 month ago - Report abuse TARD wait for the right moment, nah mean? and if u dont kno when that is, its like when ur staring into each others eyes for a few nd shes smilin, not too long because it gets weird, then just do it also, 3 days doesnt mean u cant cuz ive f***ed on tha first date wit a girl who had a man so depends on her u know? 3 weeks ago - Report abuse PostTARD lol this is soo a playoff of mah question =] HAHAHA 3 weeks ago - Report abuse ReTARD then the war would start and i would tickle you till you peed 3 weeks ago - Report abuse sploogebob havent you seen sponge bob!!! duh!! 2 weeks ago - Report abuse stiffpants i deleted mine. they suck. seriously dont get one. complete and utter waste of time, and change people and inflate their heads and egos. im gonna kill that guy who invented it. 2 weeks ago - Report abuse tom I have a myspace. Thanks a lot now I want a taco. 1 week ago - Report abuse douchehick You're all complete and utter morons. Each and every one of you need to do the world a favor and go kill yourselves 6 or 7 times. The remainder of you who are too stupid to be able to kill yourselves need to go play in a CDC biohazard area until you die. If you still live, go hand Andy Nierman a gun and kick him in the nuts. 1 week ago - Report abuse therealdubya Boobs are sore, have to pee constantly, tired and hungry all the time; then you pee on the stick and it turns blue 6 days ago - Report abuse imedgebitch Teh Mizz (DUH. You think so....? Give me six months to get in shape and *I* could beat him down. Not that I want to beat up the *retarded* normally, but there you go...) 6 days ago - Report abuse ho4higher ????????wtf???????? 5 days ago - Report abuse cen4 I LOVE CENA 4 days ago - Report abuse trogdor Cena blows! 4 days ago - Report abuse ninjadream Get a life. You're just asking questions and being stupid. You know that people can click on your picture and see the questions you've asked, right? Don't be stupid. 4 days ago - Report abuse nudeboy BECUZ THERE DUMB AND IGNORATN,THAT IS STUPID AND BELEIVEIN WHAT THE MEDIA SAYS INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR THE FACTS!!!!! 3 days ago - Report abuse plastico THOUGHTS...... UMMM... USE SPELL CHECK 3 days ago - Report abuse chinkodemayo my answer is really good, but I don't want you to read it. Haha. 3 days ago - Report abuse sonjay dutt NO U DUMB F U C K STorylines bro? 3 days ago - Report abuse yomomma I wanna have sex all the time...even when I am busy. I'll drop anything for sex. 2 days ago - Report abuse peabutnutter Wate, ima girl and i dont want to be rushed into somthing. wate till teh moment is rite. trust me ull no. 2 days ago - Report abuse trader i luv hbk da showstopper shawn michaels 1 day ago - Report abuse whitprders merder always 23 hours ago - Report abuse tuboat_stupid i no got one...do not need 18 hours ago - Report abuse tehbesterestest Hi. I'm a horse woman from Canada, so I obviously cannot answer the specifics 3 hours ago - Report abuse loveflame if ur are hot send me some pics 13 minutes ago - Report abuse

Poor Urkel. Now he'll never be able to impress Laura by setting up her email for her.

Andy

Toot Toot!

So, I got on MySpace again today to see if Tom was still threatening death upon me, and instead I found new friend requests... woohoo!

Lets see... porn girl, porn girl, porn girl, porn guuuy (ewwww!), sausage sling, porn girl, porn girl, retard, porn girl, Tom (no, you can not be my friend! Stop bothering me!), porn girl, rag doll, porn girl, boat... BOAT?

A boat wants to be my friend? That's a little out of the ordinary, but surely enough, Remona the boat wants to be my friend.

Now, I'm not sure what to think of this. I understand why all the porn girls want to be my friend. They want some of the 8"/More to Love. Why would a boat want to have sex with me?

I decided that the only logical thing to do would be to check Remona's profile for clues. It didn't take long for me to figure out exactly what was going on.

Aha! It's so obvious! As you can tell by this picture of Remona's owner, Remona's owner is completely friggin' insane! No sane person would have a labial piercing that big! Remona is calling out to me in an attempt to escape her crazy owner with the most ridiculously over-sized labial piercing I've ever seen! I mean, look at that thing! It's so big that it hangs out from under her skirt! It even appears to be so large that it has its own electric wiring, possibly with separate meter installation. You can even see the insanity on her face (either that or the agony of all that weight hanging from her barn door). You can tell that there is definitely something wrong.

Anyway, I don't want to have sex with you, Remona, but I can save you from the crazy girl. My contact in Florida (who is NOT Norman Smiley) will hook you up with an overland passage to the wide open sea. You're free little boat! You're free!



I know.

Andy