Desperate Porn Girls

I know I'm 1337. You don't have to tell me every five minutes (but thank you anyway). Furthermore, you don't have to resort to crazy schemes to talk to me. Geez! You porn girls are getting desperate!

I'm especially talking about one I got a while back from "I'm too fly" on MySpace. First off, you're coming pretty close to gimmick infringement as "I'm too fly" is pretty close to "I'm 50 1337!" I'll let it go though as imitation is the sincerest form of sucking up... or something like that.

Anyway, here is her message, along with my brilliant commentary, of course.

Subject: hey

Uh, hey...

hii..

Um... hiiiii?

basically i never ever likeed anyone from myspace

Me neither. I have never "likeed" anyone from MySpace. I've "toleerateed" some, but never "likeed" any.

and i clicked your profile from browse and i thought you were festive

FESTIVE? What the hell do you mean by that? "I'm too fly," you are a girl, right? RIGHT? Holy crap... this may not quite be what I thought it was when I started...

and found myself actually interested in you.

Well, that's completely understandable...

lol

Why the f*** is that funny?

i talked to my friend ash and she said to go for you

Assuming you're a hot girl, your friend "ash" is very wise.

and we should take a compatibility test first...

"ash" is retarded.

anyways i believe in this kinda stuff

Oh... so you're retarded too... that takes the fun out of it...

so i made one for you its in my profile just look its big and green in my profile.

Big... and... green... wow. I think I just got hit by the short bus.

if we match.. and you are interested in me contact me back.

1. We won't
2. I'm not
3. I won't

i promised ash i will not respond back to you until i get the official test results

Is "ash" your tard handler? Why do the sped huts have internet access now?

so if you send any msgs to me i wont get them until you finish.

That doesn't make sense. Are you being held hostage? Does "ash" go through all your messages before you get a chance to read them?

you seem perfect

I am.

i never had this feeling before..

Did you soil your underoos?

**im crossing my fingers**

I'm making fun of you on my blog.

~toodles

Golden Retriever to you too.

-Andy